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You Can Keep That to Yourself

A Comprehensive List of What Not to Say to Black People, for Well-Intentioned People of Pallor

Audiobook
1 of 1 copy available
1 of 1 copy available
At long last, a much-needed guidebook for well-intentioned people of pallor on what not to say to their African American “friends.”

“A balm for tongues bitten and comments swallowed . . . A bitingly humorous compendium of the absurd subtle racism of the American workplace.” —Kirkus Reviews

Greetings, well-intentioned person of pallor.

Your good intentions used to be enough. But in these diverse and divisive times, some people would hold you accountable for your actions. You were not raised for such unfairness. You need help. And help you now have.

Let Daquan—that black coworker you are referring to when you claim to have black friends—help you navigate perilous small talk with African Americans with this handy field guide. This portable bit of emotional labor puts at your fingertips a tabbed and alphabetized list of things not to say to black people. Finally!

How to use: Keep this handbook close. Whenever you are confronted with an African American and you feel compelled to blurt out an observation about her hair or to liken your Tesla lease to slavery, ask for a moment to consult this reference. She’ll wait. If the keen insight you want to share is listed herein, You Can Keep That to Yourself. It truly is that easy!

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    • Publisher's Weekly

      June 15, 2020
      In this slim and witty volume, attorney Smyer (Knucklehead) collects an alphabetized short list of things not to say to African-Americans. Smyer, writing as Daquan, “the black co-worker you are referring to when you claim to have black friends,” wisecracks about the common verbal miscues of whites, whether when complimenting educated blacks on their speech (“This black man talking to me is so articulate!”), talking in Ebonics (“Don’t say, ‘They be like.’ Keep that ‘be’ shit to yourself”), referring to someone as a thug (“Half the people you think are thugs are in high school. Meanwhile, you politely overlook the several overt nazis you pass on the street each day”), or commenting on watermelons (“Just kidding—you can say watermelon”). When conversations turn to immigration and Ellis Island, Smyer notes the irony of slavery: “Getting on the boat was idea.” Each entry is designed to strip away the hypocrisy and half-truths of these cultural exchanges by laughing at them. Smyer’s hilarious sampler offers astute observations on race and culture.

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  • OverDrive Listen audiobook

Languages

  • English

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